I can’t remember a time in my life when I have been this lonely. I’m sure there have been moments but none I can recall. I am a person that thrives around other people. Community fuels my heart and re energizes me. My definition of a great time is being surrounded with my wife and son and closest friends, eating and talking about nothing and everything. Throw a game of cards in the mix and I’m in heaven.
For the first time in my life though I am experiencing a loneliness like never before.
My wife has a few speaking engagements in California. Normally we would travel together but this time I had to stay home to finish up some projects I am working on. As a result she packed up herself and our son and took off to Cali with out me.
Some husbands would see this opportunity as a little vacation.
“No wife. No Kids. I can get some uninterrupted work done. awesome!”
Yeah, sounds all good and dandy until the hour after shes gone. I immediately realized I had no idea what to do with myself. I felt lost and empty. The first thing I did was start texting anyone I could to invite them to lunch with me. I had no idea why I was feeling like that so strongly. To make matters worse nobody could hang out. I ended up eating by myself in a packed chinese food restaurant.
“Just one” The hostess asked me… “Yup.”
The delicious mothers chicken took away the pain for only a moment. That is, until I got back in my quite, empty car with a distinctive imprint where a car seat was once buckled.
“It’s ok Aaron, Only 2 more weeks then they’ll be home.”
As I began to pray about my loneliness I felt that God told me to allow this time apart to be content in being in the quietness with Him. I believe he was also showing me that this loneliness is a very small taste of what some husbands and wives are experiencing. I can only imagine the devastating darkness that overcomes a husband or wife when their spouse takes off permanently.
If you allow Him, God will show you things and teach you about Himself in the darkest moments in your life. He’ll cause you to lean on Him and His understanding. If we seek Him in those times He will sustain us and give us peace. Sometimes even, it takes seeking Him in every moment of every day.
Here is my prayer for those who have had a spouse leave.
Thank you for being near us in our times of distress and loneliness. I Know that you care so deeply for each and every marriage and I also know that your heart breaks everytime a spouse walks out. God, I pray that you would first bring peace and calm in the loneliness. Fill the void in these hearts and draw them into your throne room. Remind them of your power and love. God, I also want to pray for restoration for these broken marriages. Bring these spouses home and begin to mend the brokenness. God you are good and your mercies endure forever.
In Jesus name amen!