If a couple gets a divorce and neither of the parties had a prenuptial agreement then every asset that couples has is added up and then divided in half. I understand that it is often more complicated than this but the reason I am bringing this up is to discuss the idea that we each own 50% of our marriages.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I have had a discussion with a husband and when I bring up how they are to love and serve their wife they almost always come back at me with, “I do all these things and yet I get nothing in return. Doesn’t she have to do her part also?” I have heard the exact same thing from the wives as well. This way of looking at marriage makes a lot of sense, at least from a worldly perspective. I’ll do my 50% when she does her’s. But it is absolutely incorrect from a Godly and biblical perspective.
We need to throw the 50 – 50 split mentality out the window for good.
Think about this for a moment. What is half the load or half the responsibility in your marriage anyways? Which spouse gets to decide what is fair and even? Let’s face it, Everything you ever do will always seem to have more points on the marriage scale than what your wife has done and visa versa. So it becomes impossible to ever see the other person as doing equal to what you are doing.
For example; what percent of the marriage load would you say your work takes up?
40%? 50%? 60%?
What about your help around the house? Or your affection towards your wife? Or your spiritual leadership? What percent is all of this in the relationship?
Ok now lets think about your wife’s contributions.
What percent would you say your wife contributes to the marriage? Take into account her job, the time spent with kids, taking care of meals, house, laundry etc?
40%? 50%? 60%?
I bet your wife’s perspective and calculation on hers and yours would be very different if I asked her the same questions.
This is the fundamental issue with this way of thinking. It will never be equal.
But there is a more accurate way of balancing in our marriages.
Do you think our relationship with Christ will ever be equal. We will never be able to give anything even remotely equal to what he gave for us. This is the method we should take to our marriage.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” – Ephesians 5:25
This is our job. This is our portion. We don’t get to decide whether or not to obey this command based on weather or not our wife obeys her part of this chapter. You must always do 100% in the relationship. You must give everything and die daily as a husband. There is no room in the scripture for anything less. If you wife gives 0% you still give 100%.
This sounds harsh but it is actually the only way a marriage will work. But, I guarantee if you where to live this way your wife would have a very hard time not following your lead.
What are your thoughts on this?
Would you add anything else?