not50-50If a couple gets a divorce and neither of the parties had a prenuptial agreement then every asset that couples has is added up and then divided in half. I understand that it is often more complicated than this but the reason I am bringing this up is to discuss the idea that we each own 50% of our marriages.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I have had a discussion with a husband and when I bring up how they are to love and serve their wife they almost always come back at me with, “I do all these things and yet I get nothing in return. Doesn’t she have to do her part also?” I have heard the exact same thing from the wives as well. This way of looking at marriage makes a lot of sense, at least from a worldly perspective. I’ll do my 50% when she does her’s. But it is absolutely incorrect from a Godly and biblical perspective.

We need to throw the 50 – 50 split mentality out the window for good.

Think about this for a moment. What is half the load or half the responsibility in your marriage anyways? Which spouse gets to decide what is fair and even? Let’s face it,   Everything you ever do will always seem to have more points on the marriage scale than what your wife has done and visa versa. So it becomes impossible to ever see the other person as doing equal to what you are doing.

For example; what percent of the marriage load would you say your work takes up?

40%? 50%? 60%?

What about your help around the house? Or your affection towards your wife? Or your spiritual leadership? What percent is all of this in the relationship?

Ok now lets think about your wife’s contributions.

What percent would you say your wife contributes to the marriage? Take into account her job, the time spent with kids, taking care of meals, house, laundry etc?

40%? 50%? 60%?

I bet your wife’s perspective and calculation on hers and yours would be very different if I asked her the same questions.

This is the fundamental issue with this way of thinking. It will never be equal.

But there is a more accurate way of balancing in our marriages.

Do you think our relationship with Christ will ever be equal. We will never be able to give anything even remotely equal to what he gave for us. This is the method we should take to our marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” – Ephesians 5:25

This is our job. This is our portion. We don’t get to decide whether or not to obey this command based on weather or not our wife obeys her part of this chapter. You must always do 100% in the relationship. You must give everything and die daily as a husband. There is no room in the scripture for anything less. If you wife gives 0% you still give 100%.

This sounds harsh but it is actually the only way a marriage will work. But, I guarantee if you where to live this way your wife would have a very hard time not following your lead.

What are your thoughts on this?
Would you add anything else?


4 Responses

  1. What does that look like if your working two jobs to support your family? I feel like this does not take into consideration what if your doing all that you can. Should u stop sleeping, to cuddle more or help more around the house? Perhaps quit a job and loose your one bedroom apartment to give more time and affection? What about those working jobs and pursuing a degree for their welfare bound family? what does service at 40 hours of work and another 30 of class and home work look like? Its easy to pontificate and send out maxims or imperative statements without considering the actually hours we have in a day, and that not all people are given the same platform to laugh from. I’m glad for those who’s parents help them nail things down early and set them up for success,. In fact that is something I want to do for my three children. However, for those of us who had single parents, or a rough start the equation does not add up the same. This vague article does not really capture what one does in an already difficult situation, but it sure makes declarations “You must give everything and die daily as a husband”, and I am saying but is that not what we are doing ? by providing by fighting for our families future? these little quick shot articles really need to have something practical otherwise your simply shouting at the walls and dumping on stressed out people.


  2. If I ever get married, I have every intention of the marriage being mathematically correct. A whole cannot be more than 100. Would you stop perpetuating this well-sounding, but misguided phrase? We’re talking basic math skills.

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