Ours is a culture of rabid self-sufficiency. We tend to bestow more honor or respect upon those that are able to strike out on their own and overcome the odds. Some believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness and seeing a counselor is something that only ‘screwed-up’ people do. Well, I have a news flash for you – we’re all screwed up. We are broken people in a fallen world and there is no shame in leaning on others and seeking advice.
Scripture is quite clear on the folly of pride and self-sufficiency:
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18
Moreover, we are repeatedly encouraged to seek counsel and pursue wisdom. Wait a second…I thought this post was gonna be about marriage?? Yep, it is – Your marriage needs a mentor.
Your Marriage Needs a Mentor
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” – Proverbs 11:14
Find another couple that can serve as mentors for your marriage. You need a fresh set of eyes to help you look at challenges in your relationship with a fresh set of eyes. They can serve as a sounding board to bounce ideas off of and to help with finding creative solutions. Furthermore, this couple can pair off with you and provide specific accountability for each of you. The men could meet for a weekly coffee date while the women meet another day for lunch. Most of all, your mentor is in your life so that they can be in prayer for your relationship with God, your spouse, and to keep you focused on your calling.
I was meeting with a brother for lunch last week and he told me about a policy that one guy put into place. An open invitation was extended to a handful of Christian men. All of them had agreed to complete transparency regarding their marriages. At any time throughout the week, the guys had the ability to touch-base with one of the wives and ask if her husband was doing what he needed to be doing (loving like Christ, staying in the Word, etc.). If he wasn’t, then the whole group would know and would intercede with tough love (Prov 27:6) and with prayer.
Finding a Mentor
Ideally, look for an older couple or a couple that has been married longer than you have. Of course, that isn’t always realistic. In that case, having a couple of peers that can serve as mentors works just as well. Look for a couple that is bearing fruit in their own lives (Gal 5:22-23) and pray for guidance regarding who would be a good influence on your relationship.
Ultimately, The key is to surround yourself with Godly influences that can encourage you in your walk and support you in your marriage. Proverbs 28:26 says that if you “trust in your own mind”, you are a fool. Society might celebrate the independent people that persevere without support, but this is foolishness. Our culture is sending an unhealthy message to us as individuals and as Christian couples. If we follow their self-sufficiency rhetoric, it will leave us isolated and vulnerable. Don’t let that happen in your marriage. Show wisdom and seek out counsel to help in equipping and refining your most important earthly relationship. Invest in your marriage and find other marriages you can pour into as well.
Do you have mentors in your life?
How have they helped you in your marriage?