When I first met my wife, I was in awe. She was so beautiful and if you asked me if I remember what she was wearing the first time I met her, I could easily tell you (striped white/grey v neck, blue jeans and boots).
There was nothing that could ever make me think she wasn’t perfect… then I learned about her past.
Although it isn’t bad at all, she was imperfect and made some mistakes. I am sure I am not the only one who has been in this situation. Here are the steps on what judging your girlfriends’, fiancées’/wife’s past looks like in a few steps;
- I am in love with you, you are so perfect
- You have a pretty bad past
- This past is worse than I thought, this pushes me away.
I don’t know what that looks like for you, maybe she did drugs, maybe she had sexual relations with other men, maybe it is something a lot darker that you wish you never learned about in the first place. We can do 2 things with her past;
- hold it against her and not forgive
- love her and promise her a better future.
In John 4, Jesus calls out a woman for sleeping with a man that is not her husband, and also the fact that she had been married 5 times. What He did with that truth is something that, as husbands, we are called to do. With her past completely known to Him, He offered her a new future. Not just any future, He promised her a fulfilled life. He promised her a life of joy and promise. (John 4:14- “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life”)
What you do with your wife’s past can make the difference of insecurity (on both ends) and a life full of growth. By not forgiving her, we are, in a way, saying that we are better than God.
If God can forgive, why can’t you?