I have been called to be the spiritual leader in my marriage and family. Because of this I am constantly seeking truth for what this looks like. I desire to lead my family in a way that brings glory to God and honor to His name. Although I often fail at this miserably, my failure does not stop me from pursuing this calling. I am truly convinced that we would see a revolution like no other if we took a stand in this dying world to lead our wives, children and even our communities, like christ.

Divorces in the church would disappear. our boys would grow up with strength and understanding of how to love like Christ. Our girls would be unwavering in their self-image and security. Families in the church would have less or even no debt and the joy in our homes and lives would be so appealing that others would desire to have what we have. I can only imagine what else will occur when the men step up to lead by the spirit. Instead of giving a list of things a spiritual leader does do I thought it would be beneficial to outline a few things that one does not do.

Here are 7 things a spiritual leader doesn’t do

    1. A spiritual leader does not live beyond their means!
      When leading by the flesh you do things the flesh wants such as purchasing things that you cannot afford. This causes you and your family to be in unnecessary debt and discontentment. The Spiritual leader knows when to say no to spending and yes to do everything possible to get out of debt.

      Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,” – Hebrews 13:5

    2. A spiritual leader does not talk down to people.

      Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

    3. A spiritual leader never says “do what I say not what I do”.
      This is hypocrisy. Jesus warns against this in matthew 23. Lead by example in your home.

      Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” – Matthew 23:1-4

    4. A spiritual leader does not twist scripture to manipulate.
      If you have ever told your wife, “The bible says you are to respect me” then you are guilty of this.

      …Love does not demand its own way…” – 1 Corinthians 13:5

    5. A spiritual leader does not lose his temper
      Getting angry is one thing but letting full vent to you anger is another.

      A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” – Proverbs 29:11

      for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” – James 1:20

    6. A spiritual leader does not speak perversely
      Choose your words wisely.

      Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

    7. A spiritual leader does not abandon his responsibilities
      Your wife and your children are your first ministry as a husband. Nothing but your personal walk with Jesus should ever come before them.

These may seem obvious but in my experience much easier said then done. We need to seek daily to lead like Christ only in, and through the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to be in the word of God daily in order to embed these truths into our hearts so that they will transform us by the renewing of our minds. Let us grow together and the spirit and in truth.

Which one of these are hardest for you?

 

8 Responses

  1. Loved this mate! Just recently got married (10 months ago) and I’ve easily done most if not all of these things already lol! Thanks for your wisdom, praying for change. Love ya

    Jay

  2. I agree with most of your points but this.

    “A spiritual leader does not twist scripture to manipulate.
    If you have ever told your wife, “The bible says you are to respect me” then you are guilty of this..”

    The Bible DOES say this. [33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph:5:33]

    If a wife is disrespectful, of course we are to reference what the bible says about it. That isn’t twisting the scripture at all.

    Anyway, I thought your other points were good. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Just b/c the Bible commands doesn’t mean it’s within our right to coerce it. Respect will come when we do the right thing. Loving our wives is our job, respecting husbands is theirs. It’s not in our business to tell them how to do their job but to focus on ours.

  4. I believe the problem comes in that he does not respect her first. If he is not loving and respecting her as is commanded, then surely he cannot demand this same respect from her and use scripture to “back him up”. This very verse could be used against him for disrespecting her when he intended to use it to rebuke her in her mistreatment of him. A Christ-filled marriage would have mutual respect and love, not just a demanding one side and that, I believe, is the point of his “twisting scripture” argument. You cannot demand respect from your wife without living up to and fulfilling the other half of that verse and loving her as husbands are called to do. This being said, there have been times when my husband was not living up to his half of the verse and I still made the conscious choice (with a lot of effort) to respect him. That was a choice I made on my own, without him demanding respect that wasn’t reciprocated.

  5. Point 7 is my current main struggle; really stuck as to whether change my job to cut back on the distractions it offers me, or if this approach is dealing with the symptoms of something deeper.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.