Today’s guest post is I great reminder that the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. When we are angry men we tend to hurt those closest to us but at the same time, we hurt our witness. We must defeat the anger within and find true healing. We must repent of it and ask the Holy Spirit to cut it out of us quick. Please enjoy the article below.

Guest Post by: Bob Adauto III

I read of an interesting fire inside a small town in Pennsylvania. It’s interesting because just about all of the town is still standing; untended lawns are bright and green in front of faded white craftsmen-style homes. Only a handful of people remain living amongst the empty homes. Most are gone due to the super-heated and toxic gasses. The fire is underneath. Deep below the small town, temperatures soar into the hundreds as coal slowly burns bit by blackened bit. This fire has been burning since 1962. Yes, 1962. Small plumes of smoke escape through cracks in the street, letting visitors know just below the surface is a much different world. The few residents who chose to stay, have to deal with what they have. Maybe they’re hoping things will change.

As husbands, we could be just like this small town. On the outside, everything looks normal. Polite smiles, a sense of humor spiced with sarcasm and a cool breezy attitude make up the facade. Deep down, under the layers of an empty exterior, the real self smolders, bit by blackened bit. And just like the coal fire which started long ago, a man’s heart was wounded causing unresolved pain which continues to burn slowly to this day. The heat could be caused by anger, fears, anxiety and anything else that causes harm to our heart. What comes out can be toxic to those we love; a spouse, a girlfriend, our children. They actually know something’s off; Dad’s not happy. My husband’s irritable. All. The. Time. And because of their love for us, they deal with it. They hope one day something will change.

As a man with deep hurts, I know exactly what this feels like. Through my toxic fumes of sarcasm and bitterness, I pushed my wife away. I don’t know how many times I’d say, “Sorry kids, daddy needs a break.” One time I hurt so bad, I begged God to take my life. Well, I’m still here so He must have other plans for me. Allow me to show you what I’ve learned so far.

  1. Pride Keeps Help Away:
    Proverbs 13:10-Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.The first thing I had to do about this anger issue was to admit I needed help. I read helpful blogs and sifted through books on being a great husband, but nothing was harder than walking up to a professional and asking for help. Admitting I couldn’t handle my issues by myself was the opposite of strength, the opposite of the façade I created. But the façade was built in pride and I knew it. The false front was flimsy and couldn’t fool my kids or wife. Moving forward to true healing meant I had to drop my worthless pride. This action is called humility. Read some scripture and see what God thinks about humility and pride. I’d rather be in the humility group, even if it hurts.
  2. God Heals Our Broken Hearts:
    Psalm 147:3-He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
    I don’t know where you’re at with your pain and hurt. It could be mild or it could be crushing defeat. God knows exactly where the hurt is and where it began. The challenge is not with Him, it’s with us. God graciously heals when we believe or have faith, this is key. God’s kingdom is all about making us whole. Perfect. He KNOWS we’re not, this is the point of healing. I wanted healing in a bad way. I wanted to stop being the man who pushed others away. He used others to speak into my life, gave me opportunities to work things out that I could and began healing. I no longer push others away and I invite my wife into my heart to share my feelings (I just cringed when I wrote that, I’m not completely healed >_<, still a work in progress you know!).
  3. Forgive, Forgive, and Forgive:
    Colossians 3:13b-Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

    Our pains are usually caused by words or actions and usually when we’re young. The pain burns our precious hearts and if we don’t deal with it, this fire can go on for decades. This is decades worth of unforgiveness we settled for. Years of frustrated bitterness pointed at someone. Is it worth it? I was on a ministry trip to Zambia once. After service, one morning people came up to receive prayer. One woman went down screaming bloody murder when asked to receive the Holy Spirit. Through the Lord’s wisdom, we discovered this woman refused to forgive a man for wronging her. She was living in misery and wanted freedom, but she had to forgive first. I was no different, living on a different continent raised by different people and we still shared the same background; Someone had wronged us when we were young and we refused to forgive someone who didn’t deserve it. “In that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for our sins.” And again, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Not simple. Not at all. But worth it.

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